We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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