if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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