i can't believe i had my finger in that
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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