My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
