I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
