I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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