Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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