Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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