She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You ruined the universe
Randomize
