Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
