I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
