New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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