I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
