I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
