Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
