I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
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I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
