porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
