he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
