woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
