dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
