You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
