it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
