just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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