You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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