HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
