you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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