Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
