i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
