I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
