The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
