oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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