you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i dont even know how to be here
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
