I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
