So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
