Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
