I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
