I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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