you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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