I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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