Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
