Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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