I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
