i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
