You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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