i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize