One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
