I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
