When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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