I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
