your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
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