About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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