o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i out mim tonsoeep
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
