She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
