I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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