You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
