What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Randomize
