And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
