Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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