He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
