Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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