so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
