so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
