My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Come see our sink grown plant.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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