you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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