Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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