In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
