How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
