Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
