Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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