I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
